Front or back bottom?
On a crowded train between London and Birmingham, a suited Mother makes a phone call home in a very loud voice.
MOTHER:
Darling? It's Mummy darling. How are you? Good. Now have you had a poo? You're not sure? Well does Daddy think you've had a poo? Daddy was watering the azaleas was he? Well did nanny see? Nanny's not there yet, I see. Well what about Thomas? Darling please concentrate, did Thomas look and see if you'd had a poo or not? He didn't. But you did go to the toilet like I asked you to? Yes? Good girl? And when you were on the toilet what did you do? You sang? That's lovely darling, but what did you do in the toilet? Front or back bottom? Darling it's called a front bottom because it's at the front. Now which one did you go to the toilet out of? You're not sure. Well did you have a look afterward? And what colour was it? Well then that's not really a poo is it darling? Sugarplum, will you do Mummy a big favour and go and sit on the toilet again right now? Yes I know you've got to go to school, but we don't want another accident now do we? Are you there? No you have to pull them all the way down darling, half way won't do. Right are you sitting? Good. Yes, you can sing if you want to darling. Now I want you to tell me everything that's happening...